Today the sky is gray, and my heart is blue...

Today, illusions have been broken, and hope is dead, ironic isn't it? cuz' hope never is never really dead, the more you want something to end, the more it stays there, you can see from far away that there is a little thing not letting you let go but if you look close enough you'll find out is an abyss, I try to live just for today, I know tomorrow will bring something else, but today, today that hope is tired, it has no stregth left to get up, can't walk, and it's shoulders are heavy, today images of childs running, the planning, and everything that once was is lost.
I'll love to say why I feel this way but as usual, even I have no idea, it's just a horrible sadness, that most of you have knew it in the past, other few don't even know it exists, I would call them lucky, but sooner or later, we all know it, today I feel lonely even when I'm not alone, I look for shadows on a sunny day, today I listen to sad music to encorage this state of mind while my mind is flooded with images from the past, when my life seemed to be better, living those times, longing for them and asking myself "why wasn't I able to enjoy all of that?" there is no point looking in the past, cuz' I can't change it, today depression is my breakfast and lonelyness eats next to me, today all those memories come back, and I start folding them and place them in a box on the closet in the back of my mind, just to get them out someday and whipe the dust on them, smell them, clean them, even cry on some of them, and put them away once more hoping that the next time in won't hurt so badly...